Here
are some of my thoughts for Life Is A Dance. It is very
close to my heart, so it is hard to find the words that
reflect that.
I came to partner dance with no partner. How is that for an
oxymoron? I had been married for 24 years and never danced
a step with my husband. After our breakup, I sought the
counsel of a therapist. She asked me what I liked to do. It
was a simple enough question, but I had no answer. I had
been a wife and mother for so long, I couldn't remember
what I liked to do. I grew up with the mother model of
eating the "burnt toast." If some of the breakfast toast
got burned, I ate that. I served my family the golden brown
pieces. I am not saying, in hindsight, that was correct
decision...that was just the choice I made at the time from
the model I had observed.
My therapist assured me that I had the answers inside of
me. Once I finally got quiet enough to listen to the voices
in my head, I knew I wanted to learn to dance. It would be
an experience that would fulfill my passion for music and
the dance that I had watched as a child in all the MGM
musicals. I loved those movies. I lived a secret beautiful
"escape" life through them. I was riddled with all the
insecurities of the eighth grade wallflower. But, I started
the process. I showed up to classes. The harder step was to
show up to the dances without a partner. I couldn't bring
myself to ask a man to dance with me. It was a generation
thing...and a desire to be the one being asked. I was so
conflicted about that process.
When I started dancing, I took classes from Walter, Twyla
and Celina. Walter told me that he knew right away that "we
would have fun." I didn't understand it at the time. But
"fun" doesn't describe the gift they gave me. Dance is
the joy that saved me from the sorrow I felt from the end
of my marriage and my loss at the deaths of my father and
mother shortly thereafter. It is the thing that sustains me
now. In my life, there is nothing that brings me greater
joy. I have learned so many lessons from dance.
After a while, Walter wanted me to learn to lead. I opposed
the idea. When I was following (being twirled around the
dance floor), for the first time in a long time, I felt
like a woman. But he persisted. I succumbed to the
pressure. I learned that leading was an art form. It gave
me a new appreciation of what it took to really lead.
Previously, I had no idea how hard it was to lead clearly
and gently. There is much that a lead has to master. It is
a completely different skill set than following. It was
only after trying to lead that I actually understood how
difficult it is. It made me a better follow.
As my dance experience has increased, I am more keenly
aware of the importance of partnering. Frame is the
language with which we speak to the person with whom we
want to dance. The music sets the tone and the rhythm, but
without frame ... we cannot connect with our partner. I
used to be especially panicky when I heard slow music being
played at a dance. I used to run to the Ladies Room to
avoid the potential of being asked to dance to a slow tune.
I hadn't taken any classes in slow dance forms. I didn't
trust that with good frame (good communication skills) that
I could follow any form of music. Slowly, I have begun to
trust that if I take care of myself and my responsibilities
as a follow...the dance will happen.
My ex husband was a very assertive person. He had a very
controlling and volatile personality. I lacked the self
confidence I needed to deal with that personality type. He
would "yell" to get his point across. In an argument, he
would throw the "kitchen sink" at me for anything he felt I
had ever done "wrong"...whether it was in 1972, 1985,
2000...whenever. It all got verbally spewed at me. I hated
that. As a result, I have learned to chose my words
carefully. If I have a disagreement with someone...I would
buy time to think about what it is a really wanted to
communicate. I don't just unleash the hounds. I would take
the time to be clear about what it is I want to say. I
don't want to be hurtful...I want to be clear. So, in terms
of dance, hopefully, I have learned to lead with that same
sensibility. I try to lead clearly, without extraneous
movement...without force...with respect. I realize that if
I don't communicate clearly, and something goes wrong...it
is not my partner's fault. We work together to make it
work. Communication, clarity and openness.
There is the "touch" thing. As a single person without a
partner, I miss that aspect of my life. My children are
grown and gone from home. I miss being able to snuggle with
them everyday. Dance does provide a certain amount of
touch. It makes you feel connected to another person (not
gender or age specific) on the planet. That is a huge gift.
It is the opportunity to blend your styles and approaches
to the world. You and your partner can mimic your styles.
You can share that give and take aspect...that common
ground of community and respect for one another. The
invitation to dance is powerful. We can't turn away from
the opportunity. We can't look at our feet or look away
from our partner. For the three or four minutes of a
dance...our partner is the most important person on the
planet.
Frame is the language of dance...heart and soul is the
connection...music is the motivator that sets the
tone. It is a gift to be shared. It is incredibly powerful.
Again, it is not gender, age or experience specific...it is
simply one human being connecting to another, completely.
That is the magic of dance. The smile that crosses one's
face...that fills one's heart with joy, that looks into our
partner's eyes and soul for the length of the dance. It
makes you forget the struggles of everyday life. Once we
truly understand the power of the experience...it can bring
out the very best in us. It can heal and bring such joy.
Viva dance!
Respect the power of dance. Give it your best intention.
Share it with anyone you can.
Warmly, Janice